send me a ship and I’ll tell you who:

• shops for groceries: torah’s too tiny to reach the top shelves so dirtbag has to go with her and carry all the groceries home
• kills the spiders: torah keeps them all as pets, it’s still a problem
• comes home drunk at 3am: torah will continue to always be too young for alcohol and I’m not really sure what a giraffe’s tolerance for alcohol is so neither?
• makes breakfast: possibly dirtbag? but torah can make toast because that doesn’t require a stove
• remembers to feed the fish: torah, torah feeds the fish and the spiders and any other pets she has accumulated
• decorates the apartment: both of them, it’s a mix of scales and plaid and art doodles
• initiates duets: torah does, the giraffe remains silent, torah has to coax him by shouting the duet in his ear
• falls asleep first: torah, on dirtbag, in his sweater probably, it’s sickeningly cute